WHO IS INFLUENCING ME? - I NEED TO KNOW
In my last article I wrote about a decision to offer myself to stay on at the school where I was teaching, and to become Chaplain and Head of Religious Education instead of becoming Assistant Chaplain in a University. As I pondered the choices I had, I wondered who, or what, was influencing me? Was I really being influenced by the Holy Spirit or...?
When we talk about ‘Discernment of Spirits’ we are referring to the guidelines given by St Ignatius. He first came to an understanding of them during his convalescence at Loyola, after being wounded at the Battle of Pamplona. Ignatius wanted to read tales of chivalry, but there were none in the castle of Loyola and all he could be given was a life of Christ and lives of the saints. He also spent much of his time imagining what he might do in the service of a certain illustrious lady: what poetry he might write to her, or the things he would say or do. Such daydreams could completely occupy him for many hours. Others came from what he was reading:”How would it be if I did what St Francis did or St Dominic?” These daydreams were also completely absorbing. However, he came to notice a difference. Although he took great delight in the worldly thoughts of courting the very illustrious lady, he found himself dry and discontented when he left them aside. But the thoughts about imitating the saints not only consoled him at the time, but afterwards he remained happy and contented. At first he didn’t notice this difference, but then God opened his eyes as he began to reflect on it. Some thoughts left him sad - in spiritual ‘desolation’; others happy - in spiritual ‘consolation’. In that first understanding of spiritual consolation and desolation lay the seeds of his conversion.
During his first months at Manresa, following his conversion, he was in a state of constant happiness because he was giving himself completely to trying to serve God. But then thoughts like, ‘How could I endure living like this for 70 years?’ came to assail him. These were followed by periods of worrying whether he had confessed all his sins properly. He came to realise that just as the constant happiness sprang from harmony with God, the anxious thoughts were encouraged by an enemy who wished him ill and who above all did not wish him to move closer to God. So he came to talk of the enemy, the bad angel. Ignatius became aware of a battle for humanity being fought between light and darkness, between good and evil. He imagined - and suggests that we do too - Christ, encouraging his disciples to attract men and women towards true freedom and Lucifer, the enemy leader, directing the forces of evil and to enslave us.
Some find it difficult to believe in a personal bad spirit, or the ‘devil’, though they accept the existence of evil, and of temptations to evil. Isn’t the term ‘enemy’ or ‘bad spirit’ - at least - a helpful symbol for all that draws us away from God, whether from within ourselves or from outside us? It isn’t only directly to evil that we are drawn, but also to thoughts and images that weaken us and disturb us so that we find the service of God more difficult.
So Ignatius came to know the difference between the spirits moving him: the one from the enemy towards desolation, the other from God towards consolation. Later his descriptions of consolation and desolation become more detailed and he learned to help others decide which spirit was at work. Both consolation and desolation are felt experiences; not to be recognised only by the pleasure or pain they give but by what they move us to. Consolation moves us towards God or neighbour. Even though we may be very sad about our failings or about Christ’s sufferings, or even about the suffering or death of a loved one, we may feel close to God.
In consolation, we are looking to God in faith and love. Energy comes from God, though in a quiet way, and we grow in faith, hope and love. Consolation leads to positive action and enables us to act. So true consolation indicates that God is leading us.
Desolation comes from looking at the difficulties or at ourselves, at our weaknesses or our problems, at how well or badly we are doing - or even from looking at our point of view in a closed way. Our gaze is off the Lord and there is no energy coming to us; we have started to depend on ourselves. We still believe, but are not conscious of that faith; other things are on our minds.
Desolation indicates that the enemy is at work.
So how can we use this?
To take just one example, suppose someone asks you to do some good work - though we know we are already very busy, perhaps too busy. We need to know if it is the Holy Spirit who urges us to say, ‘Yes’ to this undoubtedly good work, promising His assistance - or is it the enemy urging us to take on too much, knowing that all our work will suffer if we do. We need to know!! We need to reflect! Are we in consolation when we reflect on God helping us to do this new service for Him, or are we in desolation? What do we feel about saying ‘No’? Perhaps on the surface we feel guilty, but deep down there is a lightness about it, saying ‘No’ feels right? Or is it the opposite way round; perhaps saying ‘Yes’ makes us feel empowered and saying ‘No’ makes God feel distant. So these guidelines of Ignatius enable us to discover which way God is leading us.
To go back to the decision I referred to at the beginning of this article, I recognised the inner peace I felt when I pondered offering to stay at the school and the unease I felt about moving away to a new job. So God was leading me to make that offering - something that was confirmed by the fruitful years that followed.
Written in collaboration with Janice and Brian Austin